Why you need to get over rejection

I used to think acting was, oh, maybe 30 percent rejection.

Wrong.

The more auditions you go to, the more auditions that actually matter, the higher the rejection rate. I would say it's closer to 90 percent.

But I try not to dwell on rejection rate, and here's why:

Always be closing

Good salesmen close deals because they're tenacious. They're also strategic, but we'll get to that later. 

They hear a "no" and they do one of two things: let it roll off their back and focus on the next deal -OR- find the reason behind the "no" and try to offer a solution.

What good salesmen DON'T do is let rejection affect them. 

Granted, I haven't had any official sales training, so I could be totally off the mark here, but, as actors, we're in sales. 

Either we have the solution to the casting directors'/clients'/producers' problems, or we don't. The end.

You can't dwell on rejection because it's part of the territory.

No matter what, it's a learning experience. 

Sometimes, I walk away from an audition, and I think, "What was the point of that?" Instead of staying positive, I get angry. Bad idea.

Anecdote time

I recently submitted a self-taped audition for an unpaid, indie project. 

That same self-tape led to a callback. I realized immediately that these filmmakers did not know what they wanted because a) the call-back lasted more than two hours and b) they called in practically every female who submitted an audition tape. 

Still, I did everything asked of me, and left (to be honest) feeling rather smug. I had more experience and actual credits than any of the other ladies in the room. I'm excellent at cold-reads. Plus, my appearance matched the age description (20-25), whereas a lot of the other women read older (25-35).  I was also listening to the other performances, and most came across as overtly loud, and (most damning of all) insincere.

Psh. I had it in the bag.

Wrong.

After taking two more days to make a final casting decision (further proof they didn't know what they wanted), I was politely informed that the role had been cast and that my "age" was a factor in the casting decision. Not that I was too old, no. They thought I was too young. 

Now, keep in mind, I'm almost thirty. The role was for someone in their early twenties. It was also a very complex role, requiring an actress with range who could accurately portray the character growing (and aging) over the course of the film. 

The whole thing pissed me off. They had my headshot ahead of time. They had my reel. They saw my self-tape. They KNEW what I looked like. Again, instead of asking myself, "what can I learn from this?" I was itching to punch someone in the face. Instead, I needed to focus on the takeaways.

So, what can we learn?

Every audition experience is unique, and usually offers a very specific set of lessons. For instance, always double-check the audition location before you leave, and always leave extra early, are both obvious lessons everyone learns at least once. But this audition really left me in a doozy. After some contemplation, here's what I came up with:

#1 Know your market

I was auditioning for a production in Florida. Yeah, Florida. I don't know if you're aware, but Florida is the Wild West of anything film-related. There are no rules. It's a fluffing free-for-all. So, expect the unexpected. If they want to have you do two hours of untaped improv, that's normal. Just do it, and do your best. If the casting is taking place at the back of a restaurant (and you're not auditioning for their weekend talent line-up), just go with it.

New York, Los Angeles and other markets have their own rules and protocols. Familiarize yourself with what's expected, and what you can expect. Overall, this leads to fewer mistakes and disappointments.

If you don't like your market's way of operating, then either move to a new one, or consider a new occupation. If anything, this audition made me realize that Florida's "fly by the seat of your pants" mentality just doesn't jive with me. I'm now making serious efforts to move to a new market.

#2 Know your type

I look young. I have been told this countless times. Some people can see past that, others can't. I once was cast as a 40-something mother because the director thought I had the acting chops to pull it off. That was rare, and I was flattered, but you can't count on acting ability. 

The majority of casting decisions come down to type. Do you look like the character? 

Now, this is very tricky and subjective. My best advice is to ask around. Ask your agent, other actors, other people in the industry: "Based on this breakdown, would I be a good match?" If they're unsure, or give you a flat out "no," the role simply isn't meant for you and you need to move on. 

You need to trust what they tell you, not what you think of yourself because our introspection is often flawed. If someone thinks you can pull it off, then go shine! You have everything to gain and nothing to lose.

#3 Research the company

I learned this one early on. Whenever I see a casting breakdown, I immediately seek out the company's website to view past work. 

Even student filmmakers have a portfolio of work. If they can't show you anything, don't expect anything from the production.

How is the quality (sound, lighting, script, acting)? If anything is sub-par, I would seriously reconsider submitting for an audition. You don't want to be anyone's training wheels. 

If it's not aligned with how you want to brand yourself, stay away. Remember, acting is sales and good salesmen know their brand. What is your niche? What is your wheelhouse? Again, it goes back to knowing your type, but if the production goes against your "type," well...it might not be worth it. 

This company hadn't put out any work in the past few years. What they had put out contained shoddy content, inconsistent film quality and mediocre sound. Immediately, this should have been a red flag. But I overlooked it, rationalizing, "Surely, this was a few years ago, and they have improved by now."  Never settle! 

#4 Realize some people are idiots

Now, this might sound like a juvenile cop-out, but it's not. A lot of casting decisions are made for totally asinine reasons and, as actors, there's nothing we can do about it. 

Instead of thinking like clear-headed businessmen, a lot of creative professionals get big-headed and make decisions based on a whim. 

If you remember anything, remember this: the entertainment industry is a subjective business, not a fair one. If you want things to be fair, get out now. 

Just to show you how idiotic this business is, here are some very real reasons why actors were not cast:

• Reminded me of my ex.
• She looked too much like the girls before and after her.
• Had brown eyes.
• Too beautiful.
• Not beautiful enough.
• Too thin.
• Not thin enough.
• Gave off a weird vibe (WTF?)
• Too booby. (Whatever that means)
• Too flat-chested.
• Wore a purple shirt. 
• Too ethnic
• Too white (The actor was half black, half Puerto Rican)

Feel better?

#5 Realize it's arbitrary

So, I know this relates to number four, but I wanted an (un)even five. I also wanted to tell another story (yay!). I remember when I was in high school, I would compete in Florida State Thespians. Our ensemble made runner-up for Best Ensemble, which gets to showcase at the end of the competition along with others who placed first in their category. 

We watched the showcase for Best Ensemble. It was a scene from a theatrical rendition of Alice in Wonderland. The blocking seemed haphazard, none of the actors knew their lines, and my group was in shock. We had rehearsed every day after school for months. Our performance was so beautifully nuanced and choreographed that it appeared as if we were experiencing the events for the first time. 

Yet, this living disaster had beat us. Why? There is no reason why. Maybe one of the judges had a ham and cheese sandwich for lunch and all he remembers was his acid reflux, not our impeccable line delivery. 

We can try to rationalize, analyze, and justify rejection all day long, but (if you're doing everything else right) I've found 99 percent of rejection is arbitrary. 

So don't sweat it, don't dwell on it, stay humble and just keep swimming. 

On to the next one!